Between then and 2017, I was married and divorced 2 times, and headed towards my 3rd and most recent divorce in December of 2025. My selection of men hasn't been the best over the years. My first husband cheated, lied, and gaslit the hell out of me, then ultimately gave up on our son.  My second husband had anger and trust issues, mostly. He didn't like to hold a steady job either, and when he had one, his paycheck would be gone before he even made it home. I had a $10/hour job at the time and had to argue with him for money towards bills. We had 5 kids altogether, 3 were his, 1 was mine, and 1 was ours. I had time limits when I would go to the store, and I was not to go without the kids. One summer, I had a broken foot, and he gave me an hour to go to Target (15 mins away), with all the kids and a broken foot, I could not put weight on. Needless to say, I did not go to the store that day. You know that man sat in my office at work every day until I nearly lost my job?!?! But the anger didn't get really bad after his log splitter accident, where he almost lost his hand. I'm not sure if it was the medications mixing or what, but the last straw, after CPS had come through the house due to his anger, was the night he came downstairs after an argument that led him to sleep in our son's playroom upstairs. Our bedroom door was open, knife under my pillow, palm wrapped around the handle. I had trained myself to basically stay awake all night because I never knew what he was capable of. So, He comes to the door, asks why I didn't have it locked, and I told him I wouldn't lock it when my boys were across the living room in their beds. His response echoes in my head on the regular, " I could've come down here, slit your throat, and thought nothing of it." I had to have surgery on my foot shortly after that, and while I was recovering with my boys at my parents' house, I called and told him I wanted a divorce. The three of us stayed with my parents until he and his 3 went back to VA to live with his parents, where CPS was called again and eventually faded out of our son's life.

December 18, 2017. That’s the day I met my 3rd husband. Remember that date—12/18. He was like a breath of fresh air, the one I’d been waiting for. Someone who loves me no matter what, who’d do anything and everything to make sure I had what I needed, what I wanted, and that I was happy. He took my boys in as if they were his, and I did the same with his daughter. If there ever was two families that should blend together, it was us, or so I thought.I unknowingly ate up every single lie that man fed me. I may have turned a blind eye more times than I should have, but up until that moment, this man was the best I had ever found. LOVE BOMBING as I know it now. The lavish vacations, the expensive gifts, anything I wanted. Of course, I'd get those things after he got what he wanted or if he needed to showboat to make himself look like the "loving husband" he was. GAG.

FINANCIAL ABUSE For the past 8 years, I have handed over my tax return, including that very first year, just months after we met. Aside from the tax returns, I gave him 6k for the down payment of the house we bought in 2024, which he still lives in, without me. That money was borrowed from my parents to fix my Jeep, whose engine blew a month after I bought it, and I have to pay it back. If I had cash poking out of my purse or laying out, even change, if it was silver, he would scoop it up so fast and put it in his pocket and laugh and say "oooo monies". He played it off as joking, but I would of course just say take it, because every chance he got, he reminded of how expensive I was. ISOLATION. I had just bought a house the April prior to meeting him. But it was just too far from his job, and he ultimately talked me into renting it out, and I moved into a moldy apartment closer to the place he recently rented after he left his first wife. Just after he persuaded me to move, he wanted to get a new truck. The dealership in town essentially gave him the run around before denying him, then he sat in his room pouting. Like, actually pouting, wouldn't even look at me.  I sat out in the living room for a good hour or so, then I stupidly went into his room and offered to co-sign for the truck and give him the cash he needed to put towards it. He shot up from lying down so fast and giddy, and we ran out the door to a different dealership. I forfeited my trip to AZ that my cousin bought tickets for that year. Between the truck and moving, I had no extra funds to go on vacation now, plus he really didn't want me to go. I saw him for 4 total hours that weekend. He wouldn't always come out and say he didn't want me going or doing certain things. He would always turn it around on me and make me think I didn't actually want to go. "Country girls don't do girls' day, do they?"   But, after a while, I became aware of what I could and couldn't do and made excuses as to why I couldn't go.

We were sitting in that truck he had to have when he first laid his hands on me. I can still taste the blood that covered my tongue. My phone had updated, and as phones do, it resurfaced some old "photos". One popped up, and even shocked me because I thought it had been long deleted and had no idea how it even resurfaced, so I flipped my phone over, and he thought I was hiding something, and then came the hand across my face. After that, I never did know when or how I'd get it; the blows would come out of nowhere. If I said something the wrong way, I'd get the remote or his phone whipped at me. If I didn't agree with something, or didn't answer the way he wanted me to, smack!

December 18, 2018, He proposed, and I, of course, said yes!  By the way, there's another 12/18 date to remember. By then, he had me so locked in, I even forgave him for cheating on me with his ex GF, who by then had children with my father-in-law and was living together as a couple. I should've known nothing was going to get better, no matter how hard I loved him, no matter how hard I tried, he is who he is, and nothing will change him. I don't even know if there was ever a moment he didn't have another woman in the background during our marriage. Our wedding night ended with a punch in the head, threats of divorce, and a chipped tooth from the gun he shoved in my mouth as his mother and daughter sat right outside our bedroom window on our front porch. Then we consummated the marriage.

Now remember, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. I was WALKING ON EGGSHELLS for a long time, but never knew it; I just thought I was being the good, obedient wife, doing what I was told. We would brag about having sex every single night, he especially. But the truth of the matter is, I had to. SEXUAL ABUSE. Of course, he would say I didn't have to, but those nights I would lie there not knowing if he wanted to because of the mood he was in that day, waiting to see if he'd actually initiate, or seeing if he actually meant I didn't always have to. I'd lie there for a good 30 mins or longer before he throws a little tantrum and hastily says "well, good night, I guess" and flops over on his side. I, of course, would roll over and start the routine. One of his go-to arguments was that there were nights I didn't seem into it, like I had to do it. Well, it's difficult to get into it when you're just lying there, my friend. A Lot of nights, I couldn't even tell if he was awake or not until the end. Oh, but don't worry, every once in a while I'd get "the good stuff", but he couldn't give that to me all the time because then it wouldn't be special that way. The first time he put the gun to my head, we were having sex.  I was having a hard time getting "there," and I thought I had told myself in my head to "come on", but I had apparently said it under my breath. All of a sudden, I felt a blow to my chest, and I flew into the gun safe against the wall at the foot of the bed. The wind had been knocked out of me, so I couldn't get anything out verbally. He picked me up by my hair and took me into the bathroom and threatened to kill me and said awful things to me. I don't know what made him stop; maybe he remembered there were others in the house, I don't know, but he did, and I was able to explain what I actually said. He thought I had called him John. He still had me "finish" after that. 

He has broken my finger by grabbing and twisting it. Choked me on several occasions, with the last time ending up in the ER, because I thought he broke my hyoid bone. I told them it was consensual, of course. Things like that happened often. I've had a gun to my head more times than that man has had his mouth on my cookie. Yes, THAT cookie, he did NOT like to do that, but GOD forbid if I didn't go down on him every day. after we bought our house, he had to have kayak's the. We also had my youngests graduation party coming up that summer. I worry about money constantly, I even wonder how people pay for shit in movies as if it's their actual life i'm watching, that's how much I worry about affording shit. But we got in the truck and drove to Dunham's, because we now live on the water, we HAD TO HAVE kayaks, right?!?! I voiced my opinion on how we didn't need the expensive ones he wanted, and ultimately got, he was even mad I picked the lowest priced expensive one. I got punched in the jaw on the way home for a comment I made. I had a hard time chewing and opening my mouth fully for a couple days after that, but of course never let anyone know and still "performed" that night. 

The last and probably our biggest argument was the summer of 2024.  We were out running around, and he had mentioned getting new Apple Watches. I clearly worry about money more than he does and was hesitating on getting them. He'll do this, he'll talk me into buying things we don't need, saying it's not that much more, yada yada, then we buy the item, and when the bill comes, he complains how high it is. So, no, I really didn't think new watches were necessary at the time and told him if he wanted to go get them, we could, but it's really not my decision because that was his bill to pay. side note: Our finances were separate; he had his bills, I had mine, but we spent money together, if that makes sense. We were going down 94, passing Cabelas, when the first hit struck, and the fight started. He screamed, Anything I said from now on wouldn't matter; it wasn't going to be anything he wanted to hear. Because I said it wasn't my bill to pay, so it's not my decision to make, he went OFF about what he pays for and how he has to help me all the time. I'm sorry, I'm your wife, you aren't helping me, we're running a household together, a life, we were supposed to be a team. We had children and dogs, and a house. But by the time we reached 26 Mile Road and County Line, I had a gun pressed so hard to my temple it was sore for over a week afterwards. It was loaded, cocked, and only God and my EX know if his finger was on that trigger or not. And as my husband screamed that he hated me with that gun pressed to my head, all I could do was close my eyes, take a deep breath, and wait.

Next thing I heard was him emptying the clip in the center console, then dropping the clip in after, he put the gun in the glove box next. It didn't stop when we got home. By then, I had snapped. 7 years of that had finally gotten the best of me, and I lost it on him. Screaming that he's bipolar and needs meds (which a certain family member of his warned me early on in the relationship about), crying and carrying on and ultimately grabbing his cologne bottle and hitting myself with it. I had lost my shit! Before we went inside he said he wanted a divorce then, my response then was " how convenient that you want a divorce after I got your house all set up for you. I got a LOT of things off my chest that I had been wanting to say to him too. Then he sp graciously gave me one more chance. Things were actually getting somewhat better, though. He had been researching my fibromyalgia and trying to help more. That was something he absolutely refused to do up until then. He even "got help" for the anxiety, meds. But they were helping and I thought we were finally good. Now that I think back on it thought, he was just giving it more time so it didn't look bad for him. I think I made I realize if he got rid of me then, it would most definitely look like I had gotten him all set up, just to get rid of me. 

Then I found out I have ADHD (bad) about 2 months before my hysterectomy on December 18, 2024 (another 12/18), which threw my hormones for a damn loop!! Holy Shit! I'll explain what ADHD, Perimenopause, and fibromyalgia can do to you on Beyond the Story. So, I had a bad year, to say the least.  After the hysto, things continued to go downhill with my son, his (now) wife, my grandbabies and unknowingly, my husband. One week and two days before my son's wedding, my now ex-husband told me he wanted a divorce, out of no damn where. "He couldn't take it no more," That's what his FB post said anyway. He would never sit and talk about anything; if I tried, he shut me down. So, I put my narcissist education to use and played his games back until I could safely get me and my youngest son out of that house. I went to my oldest son's wedding alone; he went Up North. He'll deny to this day that he didn't go with another woman, but I know him better than that. He did the exact thing to me that we did to his first wife. We had agreed to file together, and I just asked to let me get through the wedding first. But 4 days after the wedding, he came home, leaned in for his kiss on the cheek (because he'd very rarely let me kiss him on the lips) then asked me how I wanted to do this. I told him to just give me the papers. He looked over to his brother and told him to get them.I noticed the date was July 29th, which was the Thursday before the wedding, and the day he left for the weekend. I know he filed so he could tell himself he wasn't cheating on me so his guilty conscience wouldn't get the best of him. I signed the papers and turned to go inside, he tried to grab my arm and stop me, but I pulled way and walked in. As devastated as I was about the divorce at first, I also felt a sense of relief. I always wondered if I'd leave in a body bag because he wouldn't be able to stop himself one day or if I'd walk out on my own two feet. Every Anniversary he reminded me how many years I had left, his first marriage was 10 years, so he :joked" that was his cut off and counted down every year, while lightly threatening to kill me if I ever left him. Everyone else saw long Fakebook posts and pics of gifts/celebrations and a happy marriage. 

Although we had some really great times in our marriage, the disrespect in the end was so LOUD, the memories hold no value.

8 years together, I had one bad year after the hysterectomy and trying to navigate my new diagnosis of ADHD, figuring out a med that worked for me and trying to save my relationship with my son which he always let me face alone, never went and talked to them with me, never tried to help that situation, just ignored my son to the point he longer saw him as "dad". In that short time, I lost my husband and my son, because neither one wanted to realize what my body was going through, they just rendered me a monster and dropped me. Those two are close now, My ex gets to see my grandbabies, and I do not. Sometimes I even think they worked together to push me out of their lives.

The last face to face convo I had with my husband,  I asked him if he remembered the big fight that summer. He would normally play the  black out  card and claim he didn't remember what he did, so I asked if that fight was one of those times. To my surprise, he said he remembered. I looked right in to that man's eyes and told him I wished he would've pulled that trigger that day. Two weeks after I was served, my son and I moved in to our Healing Haven. 

December 18, 2025 (last 12/18), I had surgery to correct some things from my hysterectomy (most likely caused by having sex only 3.5 weeks after because he couldn't wait any longer). Our divorce was also finalized that day, 12/18/25. I had signed the papers on the 4th, since I wasn't going to be able to attend court do to the surgery. 

I had started seeing a counselor back in July, just before my marriage ended because I didn't know myself anymore, I hated who I was and knew I needed to fix it before things got worse. Although I wasn't given time to "fix" myself before my world came crashing down, I'm well on my way now and have found the courage to speak up. Because no matter how i'm feeling, or act, I NEVER deserved to be abused, it' is not my fault and I want others to know this too! I Planned on taking all this to my grave with me, it's embarrassing and I lied about my happiness to a lot of people who may never trust me again because I hid it so well. But my counselor, who I adore and can't wait to see every week, and has made me realize I am a strong woman. I don't owe an explanation to anyone, and if I want to tell my story, it is my story to tell! I have gained so much confidence in the past 5 months. I no longer have to worry about making dinner every night, or getting yelled at for burning it because I have a million things to do before "bedtime."  My son and I have created our Healing Haven in a remote spot away from all the chatter. He is the real MVP in all of this, he's the one who holds me up everyday and will continue to hold me up until the end. That boy will NEVER let his momma be defeated by life. He has saved me in so many ways, he's the reason I wake up every morning, he's the reason I am still on earth and able to be here for you!

I have found my voice, and I want others to find there's too! 

Head over to any one of our socials to chat, to vent, to read others' stories, and hopefully one day gain the courage to tell your story. If you need help, reach out to us or any of our resources on this site.  My goal here is to create a safe space for survivors and victims, We need to stick together, we need to be strong, we need to R.I.S.E UNBREAKABLE!